"The business of the New York journalist is to destroy the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of Mammon, and to sell his race and his country for his daily bread. You know this and I know it, and what folly is this to be toasting an ‘independent press’! We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are the jumping-jacks; they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."
— John Swinton, New York Times editor, Twilight Club in NYC, 1883
(image and other contributions by Simon J. Fuchs)
It has come to my attention that there is a new mobile, media device that just came out, the iPad. From the buzz, it seems like it’s kind of a big deal, you know, like Ron Burgundy or laser pointer pens. All sorts of people are on the band wagon and it looks like fun. I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna get on it too.
Clearly, the iPad has the potential to impact nearly every facet of human existence. To the growing list of grand prognostications I humbly submit the following: the iPad will revolutionize your intimate relations. In addition to killing the kindle, saving the newspaper business and ushering in a new age of digital enlightenment, the iPad will transform your love making:
- Its anywhere connectivity allows you tweet ambiguously in the moments leading up to the task at hand: “getting ready to rock the boat”.
- Its slim profile empowers you to bring multi-media resources into your intimate life as it can be enjoyed at any angle. (Did someone say “Kama Sutra” e-Book?)
- In the case of an embarrassing mid-encounter mishap (like your mom calling) it keeps your partner engaged (watching the latest Lady Gaga video and updating fb status to “I’m waiting…”) while you collect yourself.
- It provides a cancer-and-intimacy-free alternative to post-encounter routines like smoking or pillow talk. (Place under the pillows for easy access.)
- Its long battery life allows you to choose when the moment is right.
The possible use-cases for the iPad are limited only by your imagination, and the daring of your partner. Care to add to this list?
