I’m putting together a set of apology cards for intellectual, often tending towards personal, grievances, that I find myself frequently guilty of. It’s not flattering how many mornings I wake up thinking, “Wow, did I actually say that?” It can be really hard to find the space to apologize, especially to people you don’t see often, but maybe a note card is just the right combination of camp and sincere.
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our recent conversation regarding ____________, I was more interested in winning than I was in being intellectually honest, and so I took some shortcuts and used some cheap rhetorical tricks. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our recent conversation regarding ___________, I was more interested in hearing myself speak than I was in understanding your point of view. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our recent conversation regarding ___________ , I was self-righteous and overbearing, and conveyed my points in a way that seemed to elevate my experience of the world and demean yours. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding ___________, I can see that in my frustration and zeal to win the point, I fell out of the abstract, and made arguments personal and abrasive that didn’t have to be. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding __________, I continued an argument most reasonably engaged with ‘I respectfully disagree, but let’s not dwell here’ or ‘Interesting, that has not been my experience, but it’s not inconceivable to me’, wasting our valuable time and goodwill. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding _________, I made insincere argument, covering some feeling of personal grievance or vulnerability, with intellectual veneer. It’s hard to separate out the personal from the political or philosophical, but I should have been honest with you and with myself about the current underlying the argument. For this, I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding _________, it’s clear to me that we were not that far apart - I just felt like arguing. Intellectual masturbation is a shameful addiction. I’m really starved for stimulation sometimes, and ego is a bitch. For this, I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding _________, my position was mostly facetious and I toyed with a subject that was important to you for my own amusement. For this, I apologize. -Tariq”
“”Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding _________, I was playing devil’s advocate, but didn’t make that clear. An attempt to expand a conversation isn’t really that virtuous if it fails the tests of diplomacy. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding _________, I was being facetious/playing devil’ advocate but forgot that somewhere along the way, and started believing my own bullshit, and then my ego got involved, so I needed to win. For this I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding _________, I was poorly informed and proceeded, foolishly, on that basis. I should have been wise enough to extract myself, saying something like “Interesting. It seems like there might be more to this, but I really don’t know enough to argue.” For this, I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - words can be used to reveal or obscure. Regarding our conversation on ___________, I knew what you meant, but decided to twist your words and wring victory out of deceit. For this, I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - in our latest conversation I was loud and used entirely too many words. Who needs that, right? Points get lost amid the bellicose. For this, I apologize. -Tariq”
“Dear Friend - reflecting on our conversation regarding ___________, I failed one or more of the tests that should govern a person’s words. Is it true? Is it wise? Is it kind? For this I apologize. -Tariq”
